On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
