Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We left an ass print on the piano.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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