It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
