i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When are your genitals available?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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