Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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