Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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