chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
