Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
