Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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