i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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