I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
