You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
