Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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