Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
