and she was petting her beer can
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
