did you get engaged???
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
