When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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