I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He better not be in your backpack
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
