Pappa wants mamma naked
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
