Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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