ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
