my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
