There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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