Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
