I wish I could teleport
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
