when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
