I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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