There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
