Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
