I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
