did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
