perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
