i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I want her autograph on my taint
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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