I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
