Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
