Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
