I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
