roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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