hell yes lets make some ravioli
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
