my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
