Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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