When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
