barbara walters just said penis...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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