The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
