Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
