I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
