The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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