Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
