I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
