Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
handjob tips. give me some.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Randomize
