some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
