was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
