I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
