I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
