i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
