It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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