I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
